To you & them & me.

I just want to say sorry.

Sorry for anything I ever did,

Or didn’t do.

For dreams I failed

By not being true.

For rhyming when there was no cause,

For when I should have been strong,

But stopped to pause,

For dwelling on pain,

And keeping it raw,

When forgiveness was needed,

But I went to war,

For all of this,

And so much more,

I just want to look myself in the eye,

And say sorry.

Me, myself & Irene 😂

I said not to, but Me said it’s not fair that Myself nor Irene get left out, and that their opinion in the ‘virtuous value of generous goodwill’ should be taken into consideration: so I posted this.

Debating was hectic, things were only tentatively pencilled in, rubbed out by Me, then pencilled in by Myself again.

Diplomacy went out the window with Me being so autocratic, and I succumbing.

Of course no one really included Irene as she is clearly the odd one out, but fuck it cos it’s My decision anyway and I will do whatever the fuck I want – especially as it’s for Our benefit.

Not sure if it was a positive or negative outcome in the end, as I do like to fuck Myself on occasion; but honestly, there’s got to be an easier way than negotiating with nitwits, drug users and educated fools who talk in riddles, and to the group present nonsensical graphs based on illogical facts – that only I gets.

Anyways, we did all agree on the fact it was funny as fuck, albeit ridiculous, and Me Myself and Irene were ultimately glad I passed on the laugh. So my people say thank you to your people.

We should coordinate a meeting soon with you lot – we’ll get Myself to write up an agenda, I will get it out in advance, but fuck Irene – she can take notes 😂😂

Engulfed

‘Never again will you fly with the wind,’

– that’s what they said to me.

So,

‘Never again will I fly with the wind,’

is what I put in my head,

and stayed in bed,

through the cold and the heat

listening to the beat –

not my heart

but

a drum that cheated it,

bleating

of crying lambs,

fleeting

it wasn’t

but a constant

BANG BANG BANG!

‘Never again will you see the sun,’

– that’s what they said to me.

So,

‘Never again will I see the sun,’

is all that I could hear,

and

all the fears and tears engulfed me,

and all who were near and dear who loved me,

watched me

suffer

short of breath –

no puffer nor lover could save me,

all covers encased me,

all timers

tick tocked tick tocked

as they took my time away,

and I thought I would stay

never to play

but instead

drown

in that darkness.

But now I’m back.

My wings aren’t pinned,

the sun shines through,

my lights aren’t dimmed but crimson in warm wisdom,

as all my sins

and those who sinned

are forgiven,

and

my time is here

again.

inherited inter-generational alcoholism

why so worried dear child?
it’s only drinking, sipping,
a little tipping by the edge,
a little message to the fledging
that you’re wedged in tight.

what’s the confusion dear child?
it’s only common bruising
from the losing in the choosing of the drink…
it’s just your piece of mind
you know she’s kind,
so what’s all this fuss about?

why so sad dear child?
it’s only lessons that you’ve learnt
just playing in the dirt,
apron strings and her skirts,
tied you to her pain.
lots to gain in the draining,
and all joint suffering
of such cauterised torture.

why so quiet dear child?
has the bottle done its job –
joined your childhood in the
robbing of you, metaphoric flogging of you…
but your blue eyes knew
even way back… that this had left
a one man ship, no crew and bereft
of child and wife,
instead a life, somewhat crippled,
as the last drops dribbled
and another opening (to secure the closing)
was always on its way.

why so raging dear child?
you haven’t reconciled?
there’s no denial, just honest fear,
it’s just the steering of the wheel for a little control
dredging from the deep emotional turmoil,
unrest no peace,
and you hang on…
and want to keep more
than you need.

flee for fuck’s sake!
discard and dump
run for the hills,
cut out the lump
it’s rancid junk
– doesn’t want you unstuck
for fear IT will be dead
and rather YOU instead
with no smiles, nor happy face
maintaining its
fear base
to always be
the starting line.

but ask yourself –
this won race is a loss every time,
so how much longer
will you let it?

and not yourself be anyone’s,
not even yours,
not even mine…
as i sit here,
in fear that
this question shall remain,
hidden in this rhyme,
with all your pain
fighting to maintain
this pitiful train,
of sorrow,
and sorrowful
affairs.